Oh, The Horror...A Review
Sept 9, 2010 11:44:27 GMT
Post by Midori Kawakami on Sept 9, 2010 11:44:27 GMT
Introduction
Konnichiwa SBG!
Today, I have something that will both horrify and amaze you. I know it gives me nightmares! Behold the pink ninja sword!
This sword comes straight from the bad side of fairyland where Ghetto Barbie lives. It arrived at my door on a bruise-colored bad dream monster cloud (their form of express mail, I guess). I opened the box and screamed in horror at what I saw inside; a Pepto Bismol colored SLO.
I suppose I should elaborate; why would this disturb me instead of make me laugh? I have a deep seated hatred of pink—any type of pink. I don’t wear pink clothes, and I don’t own pink things. I cringe a little every time I see the color. Seeing it on a sword—even a wallhanger—made my spleen do somersaults. I almost needed some of its paint…er, I mean, Pepto Bismol…to make my stomach straighten up and fly right. Not thinking anything of it, I set it on a random empty stand I happened to have as the wind rattled the windows of the house ominously. I shouldn’t have been so nonchalant about its presence, and I would soon begin to rue my carelessness.
Historical overview
Of course the Pepto Pink sword has a long and colorful tradition into antiquity. The pink-clad ninjas across the land carried them, preferring to shock their enemies into sickness, and then beat them to death with the saya of their pink swords.
Photo Source: tourismmiejapan.com/search/spot. ... =dtl&id=11
Unfortunately, a clan of colorblind samurai took this evil sect down sometime in the 1400’s. Yet their clothes (Which have their roots in Korean tradition, So Choson Ninja tells me) and their swords have survived to this day, to haunt us and bring chaos to the lives of pink-hating traditionalists, such as myself. Perhaps I’m the reincarnation of one of those angry, colorblind samurai, banded together to avenge their grossed-out-to-death kinfolk. Huh.
Initial Impressions
Upon inspection, it appears the saya has been lovingly coated in Pepto Bismol and then clear lacquered. I can only imagine how long this process took, as everyone knows how slow Pepto moves. It must’ve taken them six months to get that much Pepto on the saya of the sword. The blade, of course, is a magical blend of pixie dust, stainless steel, and metsubishi fodder. Ouch.
Pink stuff courtesy of people who own pink stuff.
The thing that really got me was, about ten or so that night, there was a loud knock on my door…and another pink sword was there!
Wondering if this was some kind of prank my roommates were playing on me, I went ahead and brought this second pink sword in and set it on a stand near the first. I should have known better, but I didn’t think anything of leaving them alone in a room together overnight. I really should have rethought that, or at least tied them both up in swordbags. The next morning…they had reproduced!
Oh Noes!
So now, I have all these screaming, writhing, tiny pink baby swords all over my house. If someone is interested in adopting a swordpuppy, as I’ve begun calling them, please please contact me. I can’t afford to feed all these little mooches!
Conclusions
So, we know with certainty that these are traditional, probably come from Korea and live on the wrong side of the tracks in Fairyland, but for whatever reason have descended upon my poor, unsuspecting person. So if anyone knows of a good Pepto sword exterminator, please send them my way! They’re threatening to turn my blue swords purple and only heaven knows what they want to do with the orange ones. I bet they’re in cahoots with those dang orange swords…
Remember this fella? Mm-hmm, you know you do.
Help me.
Pros
Um, it comes from Fairyland, duh
Pink ninjas, princesses and Barbies alike love it
Appears to be made of Pepto Bismol and Fairydust
Cons
It’s pink
It comes with an obligatory copy of that 'Aqua' CD (You remember, that annoying band that did that song 'Barbie Girl'?)
Its friends come to crash at your house in the middle of the night without calling first
It reproduces!
The Bottom Line
I would not recommend anyone procure this sword, even as a gag. It’s sure to spawn more offshoots and you won’t be able to feed and care for them all, like the sword is gonna do it. It has better things to do.
By the way…
April Fools, SBG.
Konnichiwa SBG!
Today, I have something that will both horrify and amaze you. I know it gives me nightmares! Behold the pink ninja sword!
This sword comes straight from the bad side of fairyland where Ghetto Barbie lives. It arrived at my door on a bruise-colored bad dream monster cloud (their form of express mail, I guess). I opened the box and screamed in horror at what I saw inside; a Pepto Bismol colored SLO.
I suppose I should elaborate; why would this disturb me instead of make me laugh? I have a deep seated hatred of pink—any type of pink. I don’t wear pink clothes, and I don’t own pink things. I cringe a little every time I see the color. Seeing it on a sword—even a wallhanger—made my spleen do somersaults. I almost needed some of its paint…er, I mean, Pepto Bismol…to make my stomach straighten up and fly right. Not thinking anything of it, I set it on a random empty stand I happened to have as the wind rattled the windows of the house ominously. I shouldn’t have been so nonchalant about its presence, and I would soon begin to rue my carelessness.
Historical overview
Of course the Pepto Pink sword has a long and colorful tradition into antiquity. The pink-clad ninjas across the land carried them, preferring to shock their enemies into sickness, and then beat them to death with the saya of their pink swords.
Photo Source: tourismmiejapan.com/search/spot. ... =dtl&id=11
Unfortunately, a clan of colorblind samurai took this evil sect down sometime in the 1400’s. Yet their clothes (Which have their roots in Korean tradition, So Choson Ninja tells me) and their swords have survived to this day, to haunt us and bring chaos to the lives of pink-hating traditionalists, such as myself. Perhaps I’m the reincarnation of one of those angry, colorblind samurai, banded together to avenge their grossed-out-to-death kinfolk. Huh.
Initial Impressions
Upon inspection, it appears the saya has been lovingly coated in Pepto Bismol and then clear lacquered. I can only imagine how long this process took, as everyone knows how slow Pepto moves. It must’ve taken them six months to get that much Pepto on the saya of the sword. The blade, of course, is a magical blend of pixie dust, stainless steel, and metsubishi fodder. Ouch.
Pink stuff courtesy of people who own pink stuff.
The thing that really got me was, about ten or so that night, there was a loud knock on my door…and another pink sword was there!
Wondering if this was some kind of prank my roommates were playing on me, I went ahead and brought this second pink sword in and set it on a stand near the first. I should have known better, but I didn’t think anything of leaving them alone in a room together overnight. I really should have rethought that, or at least tied them both up in swordbags. The next morning…they had reproduced!
Oh Noes!
So now, I have all these screaming, writhing, tiny pink baby swords all over my house. If someone is interested in adopting a swordpuppy, as I’ve begun calling them, please please contact me. I can’t afford to feed all these little mooches!
Conclusions
So, we know with certainty that these are traditional, probably come from Korea and live on the wrong side of the tracks in Fairyland, but for whatever reason have descended upon my poor, unsuspecting person. So if anyone knows of a good Pepto sword exterminator, please send them my way! They’re threatening to turn my blue swords purple and only heaven knows what they want to do with the orange ones. I bet they’re in cahoots with those dang orange swords…
Remember this fella? Mm-hmm, you know you do.
Help me.
Pros
Um, it comes from Fairyland, duh
Pink ninjas, princesses and Barbies alike love it
Appears to be made of Pepto Bismol and Fairydust
Cons
It’s pink
It comes with an obligatory copy of that 'Aqua' CD (You remember, that annoying band that did that song 'Barbie Girl'?)
Its friends come to crash at your house in the middle of the night without calling first
It reproduces!
The Bottom Line
I would not recommend anyone procure this sword, even as a gag. It’s sure to spawn more offshoots and you won’t be able to feed and care for them all, like the sword is gonna do it. It has better things to do.
By the way…
April Fools, SBG.