Joint Review: Generic Bokken from Kult of Athena
Sept 27, 2007 18:27:38 GMT
Post by septofclansinclair on Sept 27, 2007 18:27:38 GMT
Joint Review of Generic Bokken by Tony K. (Ignited) and Daniel D. (Sept of the Clan Sinclair)
Bokken available from Kult of Athena for $9.95 USD
Dan: “Hello all, and welcome to the first Sword Buyer’s Guide Joint Review. I’m Daniel D., who you know and love as Sept of the Clan Sinclair.”
Tony: “And I’m Tony K., also known by my alias, Ignited. Both of us hail from Manitoba, Canada.”
Dan: “I’d just like to point out that calling yourself ‘Tony K’ makes you sound like a rapper.”
Tony: “You know it!”
Dan: “Or a cereal mascot.”
Tony: “Anyways, we’re bringing to you a review of a pair of bokken that we ordered from Kult of Athena. The bokken were priced at $9.95, plus $30 shipping and handling for two. Total price wound up being about $50, plus whatever customs decides to shill you for that day.”
Dan: “Gotta love the white glove treatment from our friendly neighborhood border guards.”
Tony: “It is getting harder and harder to import martial arts supplies from the States, and they are staying at the border longer and longer. So we were pleasantly surprised at a wait time of only 10 days.”
Dan: “It’s very telling that the Americans don’t want us having weapons of any kind. It’s only a matter of time before they all come up North and begin hunting us for our pelts.”
Tony: “We’re on to you, Uncle Sam!”
Dan: “The handling of the sale and mailing was extremely professional, as we’ve come to expect from Kult of Athena.”
Tony: “And as we’ve come to expect from Dan, his handling of the bokken was pretty much like with every other sword he touches. I’m still amazed he has all his fingers.”
Dan: “I can be a little clumsy at times, there’s no need to be harsh.”
Tony: “Calling you clumsy is an insult to clumsy people everywhere.”
Dan: “Anyhoo, on to the money shots.”
Dan: “Kult of Athena does not have many varieties of bokken, but they did have a color option. I chose plain wood, while Tony decide to be true to his inner self and chose black.”
Tony: "While not a real sword, the bokken can be used in practice and training safely, allowing for bokken owners to become adept at techniques that would be too dangerous to practice otherwise."
Dan:"It's also as close as some people will ever get to a real sword, at least if your wife has anything to say about it, right Tony?"
Tony: "Ha ha! You're such a card, Dan. It's a shame that using your bokken hasn't improved your crappy technique."
Dan: "My technique isn't crappy, it's nuanced."
Tony: "Your face is nuanced."
Dan: "I'm not entirely sure that makes sense."
Tony: "I think I can claim a moral victory here."
Dan: "I think we should mention, Tony, that these bokken are made from genuine hardwood, just like the ancient samurai!"
Tony: "And they were shaped with a beltsander, just like the ancient samurai!"
Dan: "And just like with the samurai, they – wait, what?”
Tony: "The point of balance falls at 4 inches from the guard, which is great for handling and sparring. But the tsuba is made from plastic-"
Dan: "Oooh, not good."
Tony: "-which causes a -1 historical accuracy loss here."
Dan: “Technically, bokken weren’t even supposed to have tsubas. The Tsuba is supposed to prevent the hands from sliding onto the blade more than it is supposed to actually prevent another sword from striking your hands. Using a bokken without a tsuba is more authentic, at least if The Last Samurai is to be believed.”
Tony: “Most of Dan’s information about Japanese history comes from Tom Cruise.”
Dan: “Isn’t the Japanese Emperor a descendant of Xenu?”
Dan: “Here’s some dimensions and stats for the bokken:”
Length: 40"
Blade Length: 30"
Tsuba Diameter: 2"
POB: 4"
Weight: 1lb 4oz
Tony: “These things feel quite solid in the hands. The description on Kult just says “hardwood”, so good luck trying to figure out what they’re made of. I’m going to take a wild guess and say pine?”
Dan: “Oak, maybe?”
Tony: “Beech?”
Dan: “Relics of the True Cross?”
Tony: “Whatever the material, these are very sturdy. These are definitely designed for practice and not play, so referring to these as toys or simple wooden swords is simply not the case.”
Dan: “It is fitting and proper that we refer to these ancient instruments with the proper respect for what they represent.”
Tony: “And we’re supposed to take that seriously from the guy who insists on calling his Gen2 Irish Hand and a Half sword the ‘Irish Bastard?’”
Dan: “Aye, lad, that’d be grand.”
Tony: “As you can see from the previous photos, the black bokken came with a slight bend to it. This, however, did not seem to affect its use, but causes a -1 fit and finish point. Initial dry handling of the bokken reveals that they are comfortable to hold and swing, even though the handles are plain wood with no wrapping. However, on impact there is a definite jarring to the hands.”
Dan: “I’m totally going to give you a jarring in the face. Samurai Dan!”
Tony: “Er, right. Some bokken come with a cotton or suede wrapped handle, and this may be for comfort during impact. So we’re going to drop a -1 for handling here, as the stained wood grip begins to get uncomfortable after a while, especially after a few whacks.”
Dan: “After a few whacks, Tony K. and his rapper/mafia buddies like to go cruising in their pimped-out Escalade and contemplate the lives they have just taken.”
Tony: “Samurai Dan’s going to get a Samurai Beating in a minute.”
Dan: “Gotcha. After a few test hits-”
Tony: “Whacks.”
Dan: “-a few test hits, we examined the edged of the bokken. These were after some strikes at medium speed, edge-to-edge.”
Dan: “Looks like minimal damage, only some paint transfer. These would last quite a while in regular practice use.”
Tony: “And now, on to the cutting tests.”
Dan: “Tony, I really don’t think that these were meant for cutting. They’re made of wood.”
Tony: “But for authenticity’s sake we must! Plus we won’t get that 10$ Reliks voucher without a video.”
Dan: “We could have a video of Samurai Dan beating on Tony K. That way we can test the structural integrity of the bokken and the decibel level of his pitiful cries for help, with the spinners on Tony K.’s oh-so-unique Honda Civic twirling hauntingly in the background.”
Tony: “But we’re trying to be authentic, so you couldn’t win!”
Dan: “Hey, that really made me sad...”
Tony: “Really?”
Dan: “I feel like I’ve been listening to chronically depressed Canadian singer/songwriter Sarah Mclachlan for 3 and a half hours.”
Tony: “Do you want to do the cutting test?”
Dan: “Nah, I’ve got too much gothy angst now. You do it, I’m going to go put black nail polish on and write poetry about how my heart is a castle made out of dead flowers.”
Tony: “Man, that was fun.”
Dan: “Oh yeah, it was a party.”
Tony: “It was a total waterbottleshigiri party!”
Dan: “I could go for a tonyshigiri party about now...”
Tony: “And like all parties at my house, it totally rocked.”
Dan: “Sure. Maybe next we can type things into our calculators that spell dirty words when we turn them upside-down. Will the fun never end?”
Tony: “Strangely, though, the bokken refused to cut through any water bottles. Instead, it has ‘batted’ them across the lawn. What gives?”
Dan: “True. This is unlike what a real katana would do, although even with a real one I still have trouble with tough bottles like this.”
Tony: “I have a solution to your problem, Dan.”
Dan: “What’s that, Tony?”
Tony: “You could swing like a man.”
CONCLUSION
Dan: “So Tony, what did you think?”
Tony: “I think that this bokken has exactly what I’m looking for in a woman.”
Dan: “Glassy-eyed resignation?”
Tony: “.... I will murder you.”
Dan: “I think what Tony means to say is, it’s smooth and refined, and not too expensive.”
Tony: “And likes to be held.”
Dan: “You are very slightly strange, my friend.”
Tony: “Here’s our concluding numbers.”
Historical Accuracy: 3/5
Handling: 4/5
Fit and Finish: 3.5/5
Structural Integrity: 4/5
Value for Money: 4/5
Overall: 3.75/5
Dan: “Recommended for practice only, unless your name is Miyamoto.”
Tony: “My parents were going to name me that, but then they settled on Tony. Easier to spell.”
Dan: “Plus, Miyamoto K. doesn’t have the same gangsta ring to it.”
Tony: “I guess that depends on the gang. Yakuza Tony!”
Dan: “So that’s it for the first joint review on the Sword Buyers Guide forums.”
Tony: “Thanks for reading, and we hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for our next joint review; ‘SLO Destruction Extravaganza!’”
Dan: “Until then, stay sharp, and stay safe.”
Tony: “I thought we agreed that I could say the last line?”
Dan: “...maybe we should see other people...”
Bokken available from Kult of Athena for $9.95 USD
Dan: “Hello all, and welcome to the first Sword Buyer’s Guide Joint Review. I’m Daniel D., who you know and love as Sept of the Clan Sinclair.”
Tony: “And I’m Tony K., also known by my alias, Ignited. Both of us hail from Manitoba, Canada.”
Dan: “I’d just like to point out that calling yourself ‘Tony K’ makes you sound like a rapper.”
Tony: “You know it!”
Dan: “Or a cereal mascot.”
Tony: “Anyways, we’re bringing to you a review of a pair of bokken that we ordered from Kult of Athena. The bokken were priced at $9.95, plus $30 shipping and handling for two. Total price wound up being about $50, plus whatever customs decides to shill you for that day.”
Dan: “Gotta love the white glove treatment from our friendly neighborhood border guards.”
Tony: “It is getting harder and harder to import martial arts supplies from the States, and they are staying at the border longer and longer. So we were pleasantly surprised at a wait time of only 10 days.”
Dan: “It’s very telling that the Americans don’t want us having weapons of any kind. It’s only a matter of time before they all come up North and begin hunting us for our pelts.”
Tony: “We’re on to you, Uncle Sam!”
Dan: “The handling of the sale and mailing was extremely professional, as we’ve come to expect from Kult of Athena.”
Tony: “And as we’ve come to expect from Dan, his handling of the bokken was pretty much like with every other sword he touches. I’m still amazed he has all his fingers.”
Dan: “I can be a little clumsy at times, there’s no need to be harsh.”
Tony: “Calling you clumsy is an insult to clumsy people everywhere.”
Dan: “Anyhoo, on to the money shots.”
Dan: “Kult of Athena does not have many varieties of bokken, but they did have a color option. I chose plain wood, while Tony decide to be true to his inner self and chose black.”
Tony: "While not a real sword, the bokken can be used in practice and training safely, allowing for bokken owners to become adept at techniques that would be too dangerous to practice otherwise."
Dan:"It's also as close as some people will ever get to a real sword, at least if your wife has anything to say about it, right Tony?"
Tony: "Ha ha! You're such a card, Dan. It's a shame that using your bokken hasn't improved your crappy technique."
Dan: "My technique isn't crappy, it's nuanced."
Tony: "Your face is nuanced."
Dan: "I'm not entirely sure that makes sense."
Tony: "I think I can claim a moral victory here."
Dan: "I think we should mention, Tony, that these bokken are made from genuine hardwood, just like the ancient samurai!"
Tony: "And they were shaped with a beltsander, just like the ancient samurai!"
Dan: "And just like with the samurai, they – wait, what?”
Tony: "The point of balance falls at 4 inches from the guard, which is great for handling and sparring. But the tsuba is made from plastic-"
Dan: "Oooh, not good."
Tony: "-which causes a -1 historical accuracy loss here."
Dan: “Technically, bokken weren’t even supposed to have tsubas. The Tsuba is supposed to prevent the hands from sliding onto the blade more than it is supposed to actually prevent another sword from striking your hands. Using a bokken without a tsuba is more authentic, at least if The Last Samurai is to be believed.”
Tony: “Most of Dan’s information about Japanese history comes from Tom Cruise.”
Dan: “Isn’t the Japanese Emperor a descendant of Xenu?”
Dan: “Here’s some dimensions and stats for the bokken:”
Length: 40"
Blade Length: 30"
Tsuba Diameter: 2"
POB: 4"
Weight: 1lb 4oz
Tony: “These things feel quite solid in the hands. The description on Kult just says “hardwood”, so good luck trying to figure out what they’re made of. I’m going to take a wild guess and say pine?”
Dan: “Oak, maybe?”
Tony: “Beech?”
Dan: “Relics of the True Cross?”
Tony: “Whatever the material, these are very sturdy. These are definitely designed for practice and not play, so referring to these as toys or simple wooden swords is simply not the case.”
Dan: “It is fitting and proper that we refer to these ancient instruments with the proper respect for what they represent.”
Tony: “And we’re supposed to take that seriously from the guy who insists on calling his Gen2 Irish Hand and a Half sword the ‘Irish Bastard?’”
Dan: “Aye, lad, that’d be grand.”
Tony: “As you can see from the previous photos, the black bokken came with a slight bend to it. This, however, did not seem to affect its use, but causes a -1 fit and finish point. Initial dry handling of the bokken reveals that they are comfortable to hold and swing, even though the handles are plain wood with no wrapping. However, on impact there is a definite jarring to the hands.”
Dan: “I’m totally going to give you a jarring in the face. Samurai Dan!”
Tony: “Er, right. Some bokken come with a cotton or suede wrapped handle, and this may be for comfort during impact. So we’re going to drop a -1 for handling here, as the stained wood grip begins to get uncomfortable after a while, especially after a few whacks.”
Dan: “After a few whacks, Tony K. and his rapper/mafia buddies like to go cruising in their pimped-out Escalade and contemplate the lives they have just taken.”
Tony: “Samurai Dan’s going to get a Samurai Beating in a minute.”
Dan: “Gotcha. After a few test hits-”
Tony: “Whacks.”
Dan: “-a few test hits, we examined the edged of the bokken. These were after some strikes at medium speed, edge-to-edge.”
Dan: “Looks like minimal damage, only some paint transfer. These would last quite a while in regular practice use.”
Tony: “And now, on to the cutting tests.”
Dan: “Tony, I really don’t think that these were meant for cutting. They’re made of wood.”
Tony: “But for authenticity’s sake we must! Plus we won’t get that 10$ Reliks voucher without a video.”
Dan: “We could have a video of Samurai Dan beating on Tony K. That way we can test the structural integrity of the bokken and the decibel level of his pitiful cries for help, with the spinners on Tony K.’s oh-so-unique Honda Civic twirling hauntingly in the background.”
Tony: “But we’re trying to be authentic, so you couldn’t win!”
Dan: “Hey, that really made me sad...”
Tony: “Really?”
Dan: “I feel like I’ve been listening to chronically depressed Canadian singer/songwriter Sarah Mclachlan for 3 and a half hours.”
Tony: “Do you want to do the cutting test?”
Dan: “Nah, I’ve got too much gothy angst now. You do it, I’m going to go put black nail polish on and write poetry about how my heart is a castle made out of dead flowers.”
Tony: “Man, that was fun.”
Dan: “Oh yeah, it was a party.”
Tony: “It was a total waterbottleshigiri party!”
Dan: “I could go for a tonyshigiri party about now...”
Tony: “And like all parties at my house, it totally rocked.”
Dan: “Sure. Maybe next we can type things into our calculators that spell dirty words when we turn them upside-down. Will the fun never end?”
Tony: “Strangely, though, the bokken refused to cut through any water bottles. Instead, it has ‘batted’ them across the lawn. What gives?”
Dan: “True. This is unlike what a real katana would do, although even with a real one I still have trouble with tough bottles like this.”
Tony: “I have a solution to your problem, Dan.”
Dan: “What’s that, Tony?”
Tony: “You could swing like a man.”
CONCLUSION
Dan: “So Tony, what did you think?”
Tony: “I think that this bokken has exactly what I’m looking for in a woman.”
Dan: “Glassy-eyed resignation?”
Tony: “.... I will murder you.”
Dan: “I think what Tony means to say is, it’s smooth and refined, and not too expensive.”
Tony: “And likes to be held.”
Dan: “You are very slightly strange, my friend.”
Tony: “Here’s our concluding numbers.”
Historical Accuracy: 3/5
Handling: 4/5
Fit and Finish: 3.5/5
Structural Integrity: 4/5
Value for Money: 4/5
Overall: 3.75/5
Dan: “Recommended for practice only, unless your name is Miyamoto.”
Tony: “My parents were going to name me that, but then they settled on Tony. Easier to spell.”
Dan: “Plus, Miyamoto K. doesn’t have the same gangsta ring to it.”
Tony: “I guess that depends on the gang. Yakuza Tony!”
Dan: “So that’s it for the first joint review on the Sword Buyers Guide forums.”
Tony: “Thanks for reading, and we hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for our next joint review; ‘SLO Destruction Extravaganza!’”
Dan: “Until then, stay sharp, and stay safe.”
Tony: “I thought we agreed that I could say the last line?”
Dan: “...maybe we should see other people...”