Yet Another Arms & Armor Danish War Axe Review
Apr 3, 2019 2:54:41 GMT
Post by drachen on Apr 3, 2019 2:54:41 GMT
Intro
So I got drunk on Saturday night a few months ago and did something stupid. Instead of doing what a normal person would do, like get in a bar fight, belligerently call an ex or end up passed out, face-down in a ditch, I fired up Kult of Athena’s website and bought an axe. Not the worst outcome I could imagine, but that’s about $400 I could otherwise spend on something useful, like hookers and cocaine. I’ve been eyeing this beast over the past 5 or 6 years, but I’m a sword guy at heart. I don’t need an axe. It’s not a beautiful, elegant or high-status weapon like a sword. Axes are for dwarves or barbarians, not sophisticates like myself. Besides where am I going to put it? But when drunk all I really thought was things like “You know what I need, man? I need a sparth axe,” and “Oh, it’s in stock!”
Historical Overview
According to the site 23 and Me, I am 44.5% British and Irish and 0.6% Scandinavian. Besides an inordinate love of alcohol (check!) and being a really crappy cook (check!) one of the things those cultures share is the use of the two-handed axe from the Migration Period through the High Middle Ages (check!). Some genes run rampant. The axe was one of the weapons the Vikings used to sack Paris and Rome, to accidentally found Russia, to find and then immediately forget about America and to introduce cheese into then-cheese-bereft Muslim Spain. Not bad! The Anglo-Saxons used it to defend England from the Normans. That… didn’t go so well. The Irish used the sparth axe to defend from the invading Normans and then the invading English. That ranged from not-so-good to honestly pretty terrible. I’m kind of getting a sense of why this type of axe died out in use. The axe continued in Ireland until at least the 16th century, likely due to my ancestors’ legendary stubbornness.
Map of places Danes have been seen using the Danish war axe:
Some say the Dane axe evolved into the halberd and the pollaxe. Some say it died out, only lingering in isolated locations in Ireland. Some say it will return, but only when it’s needed most.
Full Disclosure
I have given KoA thousands of American dollars in exchange for deadly, sharpened pieces of metal, but nothing further than that. I have never been to nor communicated with anyone in Minnesota, including Arms & Armor. Not even a crank call or lawsuit.
Initial Impressions
This was a package from KoA. The overwhelming impression I got after opening the box was: brown paper! How much paper is in this box, how the hell did they pack so much in this little box and why is there more paper on the floor than I can possibly fit back into this damn box? These were the initial questions that flooded my mind. Once I found the solid, non-paper object in said box, I was able to behold my new axe! At least once I unwound all the tightly wrapped brown paper from it and tried to vainly put the additional paper back into an already overflowing box.
There are a lot of ways to screw up the haft of an axe, and A&A did none of them. The ash haft is very straight, smooth and oval shaped with flattened sides. I have very long fingers but the haft is super comfortable while the flattened, well-aligned shape greatly aides edge alignment. The head is attached by inserting the haft into the eye, splitting the top of the haft, driving a wedge down the middle and cutting off the excess. In other words, like most marriages.
The axe head itself is a cast iron eye welded to a tempered steel blade. The cast part has a lot of pitting, which is a little surprising for an A&A product. The sides of the blade have a lot of discolorations and circular polishing marks. It's clear a lot more attention was paid to the tempered edge. I’d have preferred a little more, shall we say polish, on the blade polish and a bit more historical accuracy of the blade profile with a thickened blade ridge like the original museum piece, but it’s a great package for $380 US. The tempered blade edge is reasonably sharp, like almost sword sharp, which surprised me. My A&A Horseman’s Axe and A&A Knightly Poleaxe blades aren’t nearly as sharp. They are butter knife sharp and butter knife handle sharp respectively. (Also, remember I’m not an axe guy.)
At some point, whether striking at pets and furniture pretending I was a Viking, using it to cut into line at Magnolia, or fending off NYC rats the size of dogs, I noticed that it rings like a bell when struck on the tempered part of the blade. It’s the most beautiful-sounding weapon I own. That’s not a sentence any sane person would normally write, particularly about an axe, but it’s true. I intend to display it next to my most deadly bassoon.
Handling Characteristics
Holy hell. This is an axe? I’m used to thinking of axes things like my A&A pollaxe or the axes in Skyrim, Dragon Age or Lord of the Rings. Polearms are supposed to hit like a Mac truck and knock the two halves of the guy you just hit into adjacent zip codes, right? At just under 3 lbs this is super light and maneuverable. It can change direction on a dime, thrust (kinda, that top point is sharp and made a serious hole in the TV), it can hook with the bottom of the blade and the haft can be used in a quarterstaff manner. I can really understand why my ancestors loved this style of axe. I am so ready for the Zombie Apocalypse with this thing!
Test Cutting
I live in a studio apartment in Manhattan. I can stand in the middle of my main room and touch both walls with a gladius from one spot, never mind a two handed axe. After the incident with the Shih-Tsu two summers ago, the condo association banned me from using the roof for cutting and the cops here don’t particularly like deadly weapons in public parks. So, no test cutting for now.
Conclusions
Let me apply the Marie Kondo test to it:
TL;DR: Sword guy buys an axe and loves it. Still not an axe guy even though this is his third axe. I would say I should get drunk more often, but now I have no idea what to do with this Real Doll or this package of 48 beach balls and bike pump.
So I got drunk on Saturday night a few months ago and did something stupid. Instead of doing what a normal person would do, like get in a bar fight, belligerently call an ex or end up passed out, face-down in a ditch, I fired up Kult of Athena’s website and bought an axe. Not the worst outcome I could imagine, but that’s about $400 I could otherwise spend on something useful, like hookers and cocaine. I’ve been eyeing this beast over the past 5 or 6 years, but I’m a sword guy at heart. I don’t need an axe. It’s not a beautiful, elegant or high-status weapon like a sword. Axes are for dwarves or barbarians, not sophisticates like myself. Besides where am I going to put it? But when drunk all I really thought was things like “You know what I need, man? I need a sparth axe,” and “Oh, it’s in stock!”
Historical Overview
According to the site 23 and Me, I am 44.5% British and Irish and 0.6% Scandinavian. Besides an inordinate love of alcohol (check!) and being a really crappy cook (check!) one of the things those cultures share is the use of the two-handed axe from the Migration Period through the High Middle Ages (check!). Some genes run rampant. The axe was one of the weapons the Vikings used to sack Paris and Rome, to accidentally found Russia, to find and then immediately forget about America and to introduce cheese into then-cheese-bereft Muslim Spain. Not bad! The Anglo-Saxons used it to defend England from the Normans. That… didn’t go so well. The Irish used the sparth axe to defend from the invading Normans and then the invading English. That ranged from not-so-good to honestly pretty terrible. I’m kind of getting a sense of why this type of axe died out in use. The axe continued in Ireland until at least the 16th century, likely due to my ancestors’ legendary stubbornness.
Map of places Danes have been seen using the Danish war axe:
Some say the Dane axe evolved into the halberd and the pollaxe. Some say it died out, only lingering in isolated locations in Ireland. Some say it will return, but only when it’s needed most.
Full Disclosure
I have given KoA thousands of American dollars in exchange for deadly, sharpened pieces of metal, but nothing further than that. I have never been to nor communicated with anyone in Minnesota, including Arms & Armor. Not even a crank call or lawsuit.
Initial Impressions
This was a package from KoA. The overwhelming impression I got after opening the box was: brown paper! How much paper is in this box, how the hell did they pack so much in this little box and why is there more paper on the floor than I can possibly fit back into this damn box? These were the initial questions that flooded my mind. Once I found the solid, non-paper object in said box, I was able to behold my new axe! At least once I unwound all the tightly wrapped brown paper from it and tried to vainly put the additional paper back into an already overflowing box.
There are a lot of ways to screw up the haft of an axe, and A&A did none of them. The ash haft is very straight, smooth and oval shaped with flattened sides. I have very long fingers but the haft is super comfortable while the flattened, well-aligned shape greatly aides edge alignment. The head is attached by inserting the haft into the eye, splitting the top of the haft, driving a wedge down the middle and cutting off the excess. In other words, like most marriages.
The axe head itself is a cast iron eye welded to a tempered steel blade. The cast part has a lot of pitting, which is a little surprising for an A&A product. The sides of the blade have a lot of discolorations and circular polishing marks. It's clear a lot more attention was paid to the tempered edge. I’d have preferred a little more, shall we say polish, on the blade polish and a bit more historical accuracy of the blade profile with a thickened blade ridge like the original museum piece, but it’s a great package for $380 US. The tempered blade edge is reasonably sharp, like almost sword sharp, which surprised me. My A&A Horseman’s Axe and A&A Knightly Poleaxe blades aren’t nearly as sharp. They are butter knife sharp and butter knife handle sharp respectively. (Also, remember I’m not an axe guy.)
At some point, whether striking at pets and furniture pretending I was a Viking, using it to cut into line at Magnolia, or fending off NYC rats the size of dogs, I noticed that it rings like a bell when struck on the tempered part of the blade. It’s the most beautiful-sounding weapon I own. That’s not a sentence any sane person would normally write, particularly about an axe, but it’s true. I intend to display it next to my most deadly bassoon.
Handling Characteristics
Holy hell. This is an axe? I’m used to thinking of axes things like my A&A pollaxe or the axes in Skyrim, Dragon Age or Lord of the Rings. Polearms are supposed to hit like a Mac truck and knock the two halves of the guy you just hit into adjacent zip codes, right? At just under 3 lbs this is super light and maneuverable. It can change direction on a dime, thrust (kinda, that top point is sharp and made a serious hole in the TV), it can hook with the bottom of the blade and the haft can be used in a quarterstaff manner. I can really understand why my ancestors loved this style of axe. I am so ready for the Zombie Apocalypse with this thing!
Test Cutting
I live in a studio apartment in Manhattan. I can stand in the middle of my main room and touch both walls with a gladius from one spot, never mind a two handed axe. After the incident with the Shih-Tsu two summers ago, the condo association banned me from using the roof for cutting and the cops here don’t particularly like deadly weapons in public parks. So, no test cutting for now.
Conclusions
Let me apply the Marie Kondo test to it:
TL;DR: Sword guy buys an axe and loves it. Still not an axe guy even though this is his third axe. I would say I should get drunk more often, but now I have no idea what to do with this Real Doll or this package of 48 beach balls and bike pump.
